That's intense
Plan B is the new Plan A
I faked an abortion last night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
