Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
