I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
