it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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