bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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