if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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