just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
