Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
