dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
