my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
