I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
