Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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