So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
