Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
two words...techno handjob
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
