Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
