told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
