I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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