3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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