i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
