I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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