Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
