dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
