My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
