I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Come on in and take your pants off
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