idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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