Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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