Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The Olympian is in my bed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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