I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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