Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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