Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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