today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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