Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
