This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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