i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
