DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
