I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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