Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
