My hand turned me down
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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