What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
