I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
