i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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