My nipple is on Facebook.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
