god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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