I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
