Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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