i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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