my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
