This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
