either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
