ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
