what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
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I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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