flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
