the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
