No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am spending my child support on dildos
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
