My hand turned me down
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
