I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
