I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
