i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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