Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
