even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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