beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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