So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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