Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
